1. Get away from EVERYONE.
2. Clean with some ridiculous music on. Meat Loaf is the usual pick. For those of you paying attention, I DID just call Meat Loaf ridiculous. But maybe now you understand my desperate affection for him. While we are on the subject, him in the newest Cingular commercial made me want to turn my T.V. off for another year. Back to it, today I didn't want to clean, because what was left to pick up were lincoln logs, a fuzzy butterfly poster, pictures of unicorns and magnolia trees, this morning's cheerios and a pillow fort. The harsh affront of these items were threatening to bring it all crashing down even faster and with no mitigation. They will stay. Move on.
3. Eat. This one doesn't usually do a lot of good in the long run, but it can stop one of the smaller incidents in their tracks. So I pushed myself into bed and under the covers with a pumpkin bar and a bag of pretzels. Sweet or savory, you just never know. I enlisted the help of some of Madonna's lesser work. I figured a hybrid of 2 and 3 was worth a shot. It got no better and was still steadily feeling worse. My brain wasn't responding to my nearly audible "shut UP!'s" and my heart wasn't responding to the calories.
4. Run. Run until you barf, run until you fall, run until something makes you stop. I ran away from everything. I knew it would catch up, it always does, but I needed to run away from it for a while. The rain gave it self to hide from all the strangers and one friend I passed that I was actively weeping. My lungs burned before I made it even a mile. The combination of sobbing and running had run them out. I didn't care. It wasn't far enough and this wasn't done. I ran until the blisters on my feet screamed for no more friction and threatened me at the knees with a complete giveaway and only then did I turn around to run back.
I arrive home with my face soaked with tears, my jacket soaked in rain, my socks soaked in blood and my heart drenched in sorrow. This might be a big one, I admitted to myself, as I grabbed a notebook, a water bottle and a pen.