Tuesday, April 8, 2008

One Day (At a Time)

In the shower I let only the hottest water escape the faucet and rip itself across my skin. I wanted the outside to hurt even half as bad as the inside. My pain needed a counterweight! Or it felt like it might rip out of me and run rampant through the town. Slaughtering lambs and babes. I wasn't only hurting because of him and them and this and that, it was everything. I wanted to run, and I wanted to stay in and never leave. I was savagely discontent, to say the least.

You love one person, so why can't you love two

The words floated up and then caught themselves in the scalding water which brought them crashing onto and into me. For random, that felt pretty specific, Ipod. The scald and humidity was doing nothing now except making my already puffy eyes and face puffier and more red. I had to get out of here.

I spent the better part of an hour trying to mitigate the damage to my eyes with make up. I never did cry well. So it seemed outrageously unfair that I fell into it so effortlessly.

Let it sing. Let it cry.

Oh for fuck's sake Ipod. What's next Hank, Kill Yourself Now Because No One Else Will Ever Love You, Williams? Here I go.

4 comments:

K said...

My Ipod also does the scary 'random' meaningful songs at ridiculous moments.

Also, don't feel bad about the whole being a bad cryer. I look like someone punched me in both eyes if I cry for longer than ten minutes...and I'm kind of prone to long, drawn-out emotional outbursts. I feel ya.

Marko said...

Wow, amazing blog sweetie! Good stuff!

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