Saturday, June 14, 2008
The We, Myself and I
Maybe it was time for a change. The thought had been playing louder and more often inside my head lately. I wasn't angry at where I was or who I had around, but I was feeling more discontented with what we, being nearly every important person in my life, were to each other and what I had become to myself. I was finding more comfort in being alone. I wanted to find something new to make me feel productive and useful. I had a sort of idealism growing in my chest. I wanted to leave a mark. Alone. Contentedly alone. It was an idea that I had discussed a couple of months back with a friend and it seemed like a distant fairy tale. A complete farce. Made up and useless. I couldn't see it ever showing up. I didn't believe when people would talk about it. I thought it was just a sign that they had given up and were talking themselves into existing empty. But here I am. Feeling it. Thinking that it's true. Maybe I gave up, but it feels pretty real to me.