Alone in a Crowd

Being in public is often this way for me. It happened when I needed to be alone but also needed to be around people. Not bothered, though. Or even noticed. There were around 5 or so places that I could, comfortably, go when I needed people, at least in my peripheral. It was almost like all I needed was the knowledge that they were still there. I needed the energy of their beating hearts, and the heat of their blood. It worked to remind me that I was still living. I had a heart, it was beating. I had blood, and it was flowing. Our propinquity was enough of a connection for now.

I huddled over a notebook in a darkened corner of a large room. I was getting chafed by the fact (or feeling) that every time I finished a page there was just another blank one needing for me to fill it.

“Please please please please let me get what I want , this time.”

It came over the speakers and wrapped itself around me. The song was as familiar as a lover to me. But what do I want?