Nerves

I hung up the phone and that familiar feeling crept in. Shame. I thought back over the last few minutes and wondered if anyone had been able to over hear the conversation I had just scaled. I hoped they hadn't, but I somewhere very close to the surface wished someone had, and would offer a shoulder or a smile. Even just an acknowledgment of “Yeah, that was probably pretty tough, man.”

This was a step that needed to happen. It needed to happen years ago. Still its impending approach was activating every ounce of nervous energy I could produce. I tried not to leave myself to it. I had read more, moved more, and thought more in the past few weeks than ever before. It was all still barely enclosed in my skin. I felt like I was exuding it like a foul oder.